Sweetness of life & Type 2 diabetes

Several years ago, I witnessed and thought I understood the root cause of Diabetes. T2.  I was able to share with people who were suffering, that they were having trouble receiving the sweetness of life.

Well, energy goes through you 1st, and if this was something I was teaching, the Universe was going to provide real life experience for me to understand this  dis-ease more in depth.   And so, I lost something I never actually had ~ the sweetness of life.

It's either one day, or day one - I choose day won.

There is no person or condition that can provide you with the sweetness of life. You know, the reason you get up everyday, excited, that this is your life!   

When we believe that a child or children,  a partner or a friend, family or even a foe, is the reason to get out of bed - answer me this, what happens when they're gone? Then what? I'll tell you what, bitterness settles in, with energies like resentments and jealousy - revenge, judgments, sadness, depression, anxiety and addictions. Anything to run from losing what you believed made you important, anything to run from the grief of losing what you thought was the sweetness of life.

We also seem to think money brings us that spark of life - and yet, that's something else that can be lost in the blink of an eye.

What about your health? Oh! dare I also mention mental health? is this something you take for granted - or placate with medications, ignore and push through. Sometimes we don't even realize how fragile our health can be.  We sure do get a slap in the face once in awhile to remind us tho..

So, then how do we actually know what it is so that we can not only receive it, but cultivate it?

There's a pull.  
Like a magnet drawing you in.

Most of don't even realize, why we find ourself looking at images or bending an ear to listen to someone ELSE talk about it. There are little signs, and bread crumb trails to follow, once you slow down enough - once you stop running - once you stop doubting.

I've sensed this before, but, fear and doubt continually whisper lies.  So admitting that I needed to trust, trust in something that is invisible, mysterious and most of the time feels elusive, stirred up fears and insecurities that I never even knew I had. They say everything you desire is on the other side of fear - I'm just starting to explore this - eeeeeeek! haha

And so, the pressure I put upon myself, trying to contain my fears, trying to understand and figure out every little problem out on my own -I ended up squishing my sweetness right into bitterness.  With that, my blood sugar began to 'loose it's shit', and I could no longer see where I was going, OR the reason to go at all.  Talk about fear!

And here is where I get to choose  - bitterness and blame - feeling like the Universe is against me, and  forcefully trying to prove my worth (which is the root cause of diabetes T2) OR, remember that this is not who I am - it was just a defense position a used too long trying to survive from PTSD. PTSD from loosing so much at one time - for believing way too long that It was my fault.

Grief turns to rage - and the fire from rage burns up the sweetness, and turns it bitter.
unless........
we stop running, which is really, what feeds the fire.

Now that I stopped running,  I can do something about it & begin to process the original loss (or many losses). 

It's hard work to mentally and emotionally process grief., but once it affect your physicality, it becomes even harder - choose your hard.

We use the term, grief, so easily and yet the weight this one word carries - is enough to crush any sweetness you thought you ever had. 

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